A love letter

My dearest,

I'm writing to you again because I have you on my mind. Lying in bed a hundred miles away, before I fall asleep, I close my eyes and I see you smiling at me. I want to talk to you, to reach out for you, but I know that I can't. And so I console myself to this letter hoping that it can be my link to you--how I've been waiting for you.

Three years from that day when I saw you standing under the sun, the day's beauty dwarfed by yours, the day when for the first time I realized that you were more than I thought you were, you are still on my mind and in my dreams.

There have been many times when I've convinced myself to let go, many people have come and gone, but I've always found myself coming back to you. I've asked myself a hundred times why you've always been the one and many times I’ve found myself wanting to give up on you. But no matter what happens, when I'm tired of the pretending and trying to look for something beyond you, I always seem to find myself in this place, thinking about these things, still feeling the way that I do.

I don't know if you'll ever understand why I care for you so much, why I've kept you in my mind and heart for so long. In all honesty, neither do I. As I have told you before, I just know that I do and that's all that matters.

I'm someone who always asks questions, who wants to know the reasons behind things. I've tried to explain all of this and I’ve come up with some answers and then some more questions. But sometimes I just give up on trying to figure it all out and let go of it all. Sometimes, I just sit in amazement at this phenomenon. I am overcome with feelings that I just can't explain. I know that I can't control how my heart beats. You've told me once that I don't always have to think things through, that sometimes I should just sit back and enjoy. You couldn’t be more right.

Maybe you'll understand me or maybe you won't but I'm hoping that you will. Because if you can find value in my predicament, then you understand how I feel. I want you to know who I am. I want to show you that I trust you. And I'm hoping that you can trust me too, cause I want to know absolutely everything there is to know about you.

I have no idea what will become of this. I don't know where all of this will lead. But I'm not worried about anything. I don't need to be worried about what the future brings or what becomes of you and me. Even if in my deepest heart's desire I want to be with you, if you won't see me as I you, I will not regret any of this.

Your presence in my life is a blessing. When you speak to me, I am filled with life. When I see you smile, I am filled with calmness and hope. When I'm with you, I can do anything. You are an inspiration. I do not wish to covet you and I do not want to force myself onto you. If you ever find me in the same light as I you, you will find me because you want to. If you ever find for me a place in your life, in your heart, it will be because you want to open your heart to me.

My dearest, again, thank you for being you, for bringing an incredible light to my world. I pray that I can be with you again soon. I will be waiting for our next conversation. I'll be dreaming about your smile. I always have you on my mind and in my prayers. I'm always here.

Another place and time

I tried to tell you once before
On an early morning
A promise whispered to the night

There were a hundred things left unsaid
Then there was another hundred
And then a hundred more

I sought for you
But you were out of sight
But even if I found you
I could never say a word
If my heart could only speak through my eyes
Maybe you could see through my soul
If I could just hold you
You would feel how much I long for your warmth

Could you have heard what I should have said
Did you understand through my gaze
That I wanted to be with you
In that second before we'd smile and turn away
Could you tell that you are all the smiles I would ever need

Tonight I am miles away
And years from that night
In another place and time
Where you should be able to see me
When you can finally hear those words
Could you?
Would you?
Are we where we should be
And if this is it
Will you still be here when it's all done?

Bud

I wandered upon a bud lost in the green
Waiting to be seen
She sleeps, her eyes closed to the world
Darling little girl

Lost in a flowing swaying sea
In the silence of the whispering wind
And the waving trees
Through winters and falls
She sits by herself

Lost in the silence
As the stillness grows deep
Lost in her calm and peaceful sleep
Waiting and waiting for her time to return

She shakes and shivers
Without cries or moans
In a world not her own
She sits silently all alone

Neither slave to sight
Or pawn to the picture
She stays in her gentle disposition
Winning her wistful condition
And waits for the day to be done
She knows that tomorrow will come