Here, never there

Mistakes
I've made a few
Found broken hearts
A bit too often
But what the tides bring
You find when it crashes

I should know better
It's the same game
Treading through where I shouldn't be
A stare down I never win
I stay still
Eyes dreamy
But find that I've already gone

Waking up
I see how far I'm in
But it's too late to turn back
Stubborn heart
Hanging on a hook
Broken in a bit

Untitled

By myself I sought nothing
But driving past a familiar scene
I knew there lay meaning I had forgotten
And in these empty days
It plays past my senses
As I try to disregard whatever it may be
Unsure and afraid
Not wanting to fall into those pits again
I walk in the calm of the aftermath
There is a silent thunder in the distance
The clouds are gray
And there is terrible silence
I am too afraid to turn

Drunk

All it takes is a momentary glimpse
Calmed by a few solitary words
And I am subject to your spell again

I follow you aimlessly
At your beck and call
Though you never speak

If your are like wine
Which grows better with time
Then let me wait till you are ready

Wanting to break the curse
Struggling for courage
Waiting for the right opportunity

You are the end of me
Dare I wake from this dream?
As if there was ever a choice

Still

Call me foolish
But just in the way you look at me
I know what you feel inside
And I can't believe
That you've led me to this point
You've driven me away
And I can't help the anger
The hurt swells inside
My eyes well with tears
My heart slows down
Until it stops beating
You're killing a part of me

When I close my eyes
All I see is your face
And in each gaze I can see
My heart knows what you're not saying
In the stories you don't tell
I know what you're keeping
Within the fears that you hide behind
I know where I stand

In my heart of hearts
I don't want to leave
But in a world where you always have a choice
I have none to take
So what of this now?
The night grows weary
And the tired day peeks in

The letters are still unsent

Sunshine

I woke up this morning
Heavy as a stone
The sun hidden 'round thick clouds
The day was lit up
But the cold mood ushers you back to bed
It's getting harder to breathe
My chest wants to burst
Carrying all the burden in the world
Finding how it is to be defeated by a dream
To be eaten up by a broken heart

Late night driving

The open road takes me away
From somewhere I ought to be

Familiar voices
Knock upon my heart's door
But the answers don't come
Cause I have no courage left
To mingle with replacement people
Or to pretend to be chasing dreams

My hands are cold
My soul is weary
Surrounded by empty seats
Conversations only I can hear
Cause I'm the only one listening

To be helpless for so long
Is to live with a heart half asleep
Forced to move in motion
But without purpose or direction
A banal existence

Where do these roads lead
When my destination is not my destiny
And it feels like there is no end
I ask the questions
I try to live them
Hoping that I will get there
Will I ever get there?
Somewhere, not here

Said & Unsaid

I'm sorry
But your eyes
I looked in
And now I'm under your spell
I didn't mean to come off so strong
But I just couldn't resist
Else my heart would have burst with longing

Did I speak too soon?
Or cross the line?
Did my advances scare you away?
But I've had the chance to talk to you
And I'm certain that I could talk with you day and night
That our lives would be twice full with each other's company

Did I lose my chance?
In my haste?
In fear?
In this insecurity
That you wouldn't be there when I turn?
But knowing what you truly want
You can't wait for life to start
You can't wait another second
And these hours I have to bare

In silence I wait
Carrying a mantra of patience
Trying to distract myself and stay away
But in the end I always find myself here
Wherever I go, I come back here
Whispering words
Staring afar
Thinking about our conversations
Picturing your face
Those piercing eyes
The warmth in your smile
I am caught in the clout that you cast

Am I saying too much again?
Why can't this wait?
Cause this silence is driving me insane
And there is nothing more I'd want in my life right now
Than to find you in it
Sharing stories and dreams and ramblings 'bout the world
Discovering the many mysteries and marvels hidden abound
Drunk with life's passion
Finding myself in your eyes
And knowing that it is here, and only here, that I want to be

I'm sorry
Did I say that out loud?
Was it too much again?
Oh, these words!
If they could only find a way
Without raised eyebrows
Or shocked stares
Without scaring you away

So let these words be written
That I may tell you someday
And when that someday comes
When you'd be reading these lines
When there would be no risk of losing you with this honesty
I know that I'd be the most blessed man
Cause I would finally be with you
And you are all the dreams I could ever have
And all my dreams would have finally come true