Back to you again

I just don't understand

Why do I keep on saying goodbye

To find myself back where I started

Where my mind still says that it won't work out

And where other people tell me to give it a rest

Yet, I keep waking up to songs that call out for you

And your smile somehow finds its way into my consciousness

Our last memories in eternal replay

Your face lifts from a blurred out crowd

You are all I see

I try to console myself with all these replacements

I parade, I roll, I call them out

But I never seem to make a move

I make myself available, but I never give in

And I hate myself for doing so

Options abound, but you have sucked out my passion

You've claimed it as yours alone

I can't commit to you

Because you don't give me anything

Yet I'm always here

It seems I don't want to be anywhere else

I hate that I keep trying to stay away

To only find myself always coming back

I hate that I know you're not right for me

But I still keep pushing myself to be around you

I hate it that you just won't say no

You keep me hanging and hoping

But you keep on crushing and maiming

I hate you

I don't love you

I don't want to be around you

Yet you have me

And all of me

Over

And over again

A mature love letter for no one

Dearest you,

I don’t need you, though I do wonder why you haven’t arrived yet.

I’m used to being by myself. It’s been like this for the longest time. Actually, I’ve recently realized what the difference is between really being okay on my own and just patiently waiting for you to come. There’s a big difference. And I think we haven’t met yet because I haven’t mastered this just yet.

Don’t worry about when we’ll meet. Don’t worry if we’re ever going to meet. We will. And I’ll know it’s you when I see you, cause ours is that kind of love. I know you’ll drive me crazy, but not over the edge. I know that the more time I spend with you, the more I will discover the good, the bad, and the just plain odd. I know that I will find your flaws, sometimes in hurtful and confusing times, but I know that I will always be amused at how I’ll eventually find that I’m okay with all of them.

You won’t complete my life, but you will take it to greater heights. I will do the same for yours.

By now I’ve realized that things probably won’t be perfect. It’s not going to be a fairytale to the letter. Through the years, I’ve thought of so many scenarios. I’ve practically written a whole novel in my head. I know the perfect settings and the perfect words. And though those would be nice, it probably won’t happen like that.

But we will have our moments. We will have our memorable lines. And we will have a unique and romantic story. I think being together, finally, even through the simplest means would already be the perfect plot.

Yes, it’s been tough waiting for you by myself. I’ve met a lot of people. There’s been a lot of disappointment. But I know and believe that all things happen or don’t happen for a reason. There are things you and I have to learn or realize. The time just isn’t right.

We’re not the kind that settles. We’re romantics. And this is the burden we must carry.

So until then, whenever that may be, in a week or in a year or two, take care and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. I know you know better. Just remember that I’m waiting for you as well.

I’ll see you,

Me

Compromised

Your smile will be the end of me

All the strength I muster breaks

This cold world I build is compromised

How do you do what you do?

Bewitched

Mind, body, soul

All I want is to mind my own troubles

But you always seem to find your way

The image of you lingers

And I catch myself wanting nothing else but you

And so I close my eyes and take a breath

You are the break of light

Surrounded in darkness, I tread

In the eyes

Strangled by this constant distraction

Stifled by indifference

It could have been the best I ever had

And this foolishness may turn to folly

But these demons have taken over

And my once peaceful life has been quelled

Get it over with

Let the blade fall

Vindication waits on the horizon

For whatever consolation it may yield

Destiny belongs to those who throw caution to the wind

Brash and raw is pure and fierce

And the voice of reason agrees

If we do not do this as if we were crazy

It wouldn't be worth doing at all

Seed

I'm running out of my mind

In, three levels deep

Seconds are years apart

Fantasy mixed with memory

You keep me up

Nights turn into days

Lost in the search

Confused in the dreaming

Where are we?

And what will be?

Riding on your every breath

2 days ago

Two more days
Till two years after
Not quite the plan

He's a good man
With a good heart
Who loves her
Without a doubt
She is happy
Content
On life's path
Or so it seems

The sound of settling
Can barely be heard
But is a chill through her veins
She laughs
Her smiles genuine
She loves,
Trusts
And that is all she needs
So says the world

He comes in often
He just sits there
He speaks
Smiles
His laughter stirs the ground
And somehow his eyes speak volumes
A thousand words in two brown mirrors
A million questions asked
A million and one answers
An invitation never given
A confirmation never said

The coolness in her blood dissipates
There is an uncomfortable yet assuring warmth
Her eyes alight
Yet the coolness and the calm clash with this energy

Reality breaks
A phone call
An appointment
A Tuesday night date

Two days to two years
A lifetime in waiting
The right guy
The right time
The right place
Yeah
It seems so comforting

Kindling

You are like ember
A steady flowing glow
Anticipating the brush of life
If our spirits were free
We would be set ablaze
Fire, endless bliss