Caught in the middle

Between the heart and head.

I'm not myself

My attention span has shortened.
My speech is scarce.
My focus is limited.
My muscles ache.
I've nervous twitches.
My eyes are wide open,
but I feel like I'm sleeping.

Resurface

She told me she was hurt when the guy she liked suddenly just backed out on her. I wanted to be sure she was the one. We grew closer, we shared phone conversations, we exchanged emails, we fell for one another. Her mom and yaya knew me and liked me. We were sweet. We were thoughtful. We were romantic.



And then one day, I realized she's not the girl I wan to be with, and that was the end of that.



One of the first tragedies of reverse karma.



Years later, in college, I secretly had a crush on her, but I could never make the moves. I had inexplicably suddenly backed out on her. And I did so, when she was most vulnerable.



Yet another could have been.

Bulong sa buwan

Alam ko namang alam mo eh. Siguro hindi mo lang alam kung gaano kita ka mahal pero alam kong alam mo na may pagtingin ako para sayo. Alam ko rin na ayaw mo pa. Alam kong walang saysay na sabihin ko sayo ang lahat ng bagay na dapat mong malaman dahil wala ka rin namang magagawa--at siguro wala ka rin namang pagtingin para sakin.

Kay tagal na kitang hinihintay. At siguro, maghihintay pa ako. Kung sa huli, lahat ng ito ay mapupunta lang sa wala, ayos lang din.. basta alam mo na mahal kita at nagbago ang buhay ko dahil sayo.

Summer rain

She was wonderful tonight. I couldn’t take it. It all came pouring back the moment I saw her.

She walks in beauty, a perfect creature, sent by the Gods to mock me.

Somehow I’ve come to accept that part of the darling I love is the darling who’ll never have an eye or even time for me.

Harana 04

Ikaw ang tala sa dilim
Ang natatangi kong hiling
Kailan pa may hindi magmamaliw, giliw
Ang pagibig kong ito
na inaalay ko sa iyo
Ibubuhos ko ang buong puso ko
Sa isang munting haranang para sa 'yo

Sin Sonido

Lately I’ve noticed that my life hasn’t had music. As I’ve said before, music is life. So no music means no life. And there really isn’t any. There’s no drama in my life right now. Everything’s plain and dandy. Everything is pretty normal and dull.

No more music in my life. No more songs to fill my days. Just the silence of my self whining, or hoping, or wanting that something and someone special would come into my life.

Have I met her? Maybe. Do I know her? Maybe not. Do I even know what she’s like? I guess I do. If you see that someone, you’ll know she’s the one. Even if you’re not sure, something tells you that this is it.

Where is that someone? She could be the girl in the white pants sitting alone in the cafeteria. Or she could be the girl beside me in traffic, waiting for the light to turn green. Are you in the courts I play in or any of those other courts? Are you with your friends, having fun, wondering why you’re the only one single? You could be out there, having the time of your life, hanging out with all the boys and girls in the world. Or you could be like me, secluded, autistic, a hopeless romantic, tired of waiting. Whoever you are, it’s about time you came into my life. I hope we find each other soon. There are so many things we have to do. There are so many things we have to accomplish together. So please, let’s find each other soon.

Marami na

Marami nang nag bago
Marami na ring nawala
Kung maibabalik ko lang ang kahapon
Marami sanang 'di ginawa

Marami na 'kong natutunan
Marami nang pinagsisihan
Marami nang nagbago
Sa akin at sa 'yo

Patawarin mo sana ako
Sarado na ang 'yong puso
Hindi rin naman kita masisisi
Sa aking mga pagkakamali

Libo-libong mga ngiti
Naglahong unti-unti

Saan na nga ba nagpunta ang kahapon?

Another day

Then I got used to not seeing her smile anymore. I've gotten used to going through the day without seeing her or thinking about her. The pictures have been kept away. Winter has thawed; spring is looming. I know she's still with me, but that breeze was just a breeze and the birds that wake me up every morning sing because they want to. The days keep on; as I must.